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English Waltz

Hmm…
Boluda, I just wonder – and yet, I don’t know what. I wish you’d tell me, but you won’t.
Well, I’m happy.

There’s a swirl, in your pearl, on your earing. And it’s Argentinian! It glows in the dark, with magic dust of galaxies.

Ok ok…This is one of those completely poinltless post that you regret you ever read.

Seriously.

-Bani

I held her head.

tritemai4itzi-1.jpg The graceful creature ate her dinner, and then skipping with her tiny feet went and used the bathroom – she did everything a dog should do to be happy.
She then jumped on the bed, crawled next to me and adjusted herself in her favortie pose, sighing and moving her little head as she was falling asleep. She undertands human beings better than they do themselves. One can learn so much just by observing her – her eyes, her gestures, the looks and hints she gives. I love her more than anyone.

Suddenly, she moved…I looked at her and jumped in shock – her neck was tilted, and she shoke her body a couple of times.

I held her head and looked into her deep, loyal eyes. She looked at me: her eyes were calm, peaceful. She was not afraid.
It lasted just a second.

There it was, her little body, relaxed on the bed, on her favorite blanket.

I put her in a small cardboard box, and covered her little body with her blanket. It was terribly silent and motionless.

The cemetary was moist and dark. I started digging in the rain.
Time stopped.

I looked back in the box – the blanket was shinning white light and she was waking up. She got up, and walked around. She was smiling.
Soon, her neck was tilted again, and she looked pathetic in the rain, rocking back and forth. She looked like she had rabis. I held her head and looked in her eyes. It lasted just a second.

I woke up.

~Bani

R.I.P

bani

Took a ride to the end of the lane
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the longing’s the same.
When you’re dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help alone.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can’t do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
(Love) There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand it, but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can’t do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can’t do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can’t do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can’t do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
(Relax)
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

hiding bear

~Bani~

nutshell.jpg its not that i dont care about anything, its that everything is stored , because i cannot waste energy in trying to revive something that here would just die.

i became a stone so that nothing could hit me or change me.

imager-34.jpeg

i want to leave already. i cant take it.

i knew it would be hard, but the truth is – it isnt. it is simple. what makes it hard, is the fact that there are NO humans – or the ones that appear out of their shells re Completely crazed out and with some Seeerious mental problems. No people who carry the fire, the little flame, no people with Passion and dreams and love… this has always depressed me…
i want to go back home.

ok, ill live until the 20th. 29 more days…both kely and stefan keep telling me every day, theres one day less until we’re together…

i wont let it beat me. this is it, every minute i keep teling myself “im stonger than it”

i can almsot compare it to the mysterioues “emptyness” in the Russian science fiction novel by the brothers Strugazki…

goodbye wicked little town. you are not my reality, i shall erase you from my memory and my mind. you are erased, always been, always will be. i know that this is the last time im here. i will leave in January, and this time Never come back, never. i know it, there will be nothing here aymore, nothing will be left. absolutely every single person that i care about here, will be gone. they all walk away from Omelas. And i know why. I walk away too.

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~Bani

miss you

you just had to go.

you know, often times i wonder why you care. you care so much, and i don’t understand why. i suspect you of some dark plans, and maybe there aren’t such. but why do you care?

i think you’ve got the wrong girl…
no matter what you may think, i am crazier than you, for the simple reason that i will never be the same, i will run away, reject you, and will manage to suprise you, always.

i miss the world.
it’s alamost gone here. there are little pieces to grab on, but are they enough? i can live either way. it doesn’t really matter.

i promise, ill hold on.

look what i’ve done – all this time i’ve demanded these thigns from him, at teh same time either tryng to help him or completely denying him. and i never saw, i was blind – he was fighting, he could not hear me…or even notice me, he could just get hurt.
if you explain to a dying one how beutiful a strawberry is, he will believe you, but won’t ever feel the joy, because he is in so much pain…

i won’t tell him how beautiful the strawberry is anymore, i’ll give it to him.

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-Bani

not afraid.

My dearest,

it is true.

death is a disease, and there is cure for it.
death is also a new beginning.
“we’ll be together forever.”

You were the tornado – your sense of humore and care always amuse me. But yes, you did make me smile. You were Beautiful, merciful, powerful.

then what is the difference between good and “evil” ? evil is confused…

lost causes and causes you can always win ?

is it worth fighting to save the fading bud-flower, or the eternal apple tree?
…or both?

can we write letters thorugh time? you were that burnt tree at the bottom of the Canyon…i could feel your soul, you were there, hanging and absorbing like a mushroom after rain…

oh if we’re both humans, then we are sure on different planets. i can hear you – at night, when you try to put the moon to sleep. i look at it too. you are her son, and thus she will always have you in her craddle…

yes, it is worth fighting for the tiniest petal..for Beauty. it is in the core, and he won’t understnad. it’s in you, in me.
but You are not here anymore. i’ve almost lost the image of your face. however, your eyes will always track me, and the tears.

I feel your presence.

Baby, please don’t cry…your tears dig black holes in time…i can’t find you.

Time elapses. maybe not yet, but one day – at some little edge of time, on the top of a mountain…we shall meet.
i know you exist, you just haven’t found me yet. sometimes you come really close, and then you’re gone…
the garden with the little paths – it is so confusing. but i know, i believe, that you will find it…it’s that little rocky-path, leading to that shady corner with a single light ray shining on a lone rose with countless thorns….its red peatals cry and shed blood, becuase it is dyed with all the sorrow. its waiting.
when you whisper with the wind, there’s only a scent left in the air, carried by the stardust. you must be born in Shibabla, or in some other dying nebula…
you were born a thousand years ago, or you are yet to be born in a million…
you are that pigeon that died in the ice-house during the cold winter 10 years ago. or were you that cloud that looked like a dragon on the way to the mountains? oh, find the way. time, or this physical reality, will not stop you. you were those fading flowers that drank the heavy drops falling from a little girl’s eyes…

don’t give up.

shibabla

– Bani